Why narcissists? And why are there so many of them?
Why do we excuse them and come up with the strangest explanations for why we should feel sorry for them?
Why do we believe we can change them?
Why do we think we can change them if we just love them enough?
That they will see. That they will wake up. That they will understand that what they are doing is wrong. That they were mistaken. That they didn’t really mean what they said — or what they did.
That they didn’t mean those words. That of course they were only joking.
Why do we believe a narcissist can love anyone — when in reality they may only be capable of loving themselves?
The narcissist only sees himself — and everyone else becomes pieces in a game.
A narcissist lacks empathy, feels superior to others, and has a sense of grandiosity about himself.
There are different degrees of narcissism, and I feel like I have met them all. In the form of boyfriends, friends, colleagues, and employers.
A narcissist will often make you feel special and unique, while slowly draining the life — and sometimes even the joy of life — out of you.
It often begins quietly.
They start treating you badly without you even noticing it at first. It creeps in slowly. A few words. A few actions. Things that are easy to excuse. Because of course they didn’t mean what they said — or what they did.
They make excuses — and you accept them
Over time the words and the actions become bigger. Harsher. More painful. But you keep excusing the narcissist. Because you feel sorry for them. And surely it must be someone else’s fault that they behave this way.
After all, no one chooses to become a narcissist… right?
Maybe someone once treated them so badly that they simply became this way.
It is easy to feel empathy for a narcissist and believe that you can fix them. That if you just hold on and love them enough, things will change.
If you are just kind, good, genuine, honest and decent — then surely the narcissist will become the same.
Kind. Genuine. Honest. A good human being.
But that thought rarely exists in the narcissist’s mind.
To the narcissist, you are simply an easy target. Someone he can manipulate, dominate, and eventually discard when he is done.
Or maybe not discard completely.
Sometimes they keep you close enough — but still at a distance.
Because narcissists like control. They like having power over other people, even when they are no longer truly interested in them.
They enjoy the feeling that they can dominate and control — even from afar.
It is difficult to argue with a narcissist.
Because a narcissist is never wrong.
Everyone else is wrong. Everyone else says the wrong things and does the wrong things.
And of course, the narcissist feels misunderstood.
Or at least — that is what he says he feels.
But often he is not misunderstood at all.
People simply begin to see who he really is — and he tries to cover it up.
If the narcissist is skilled enough, he might even force out a few tears. Because it is so tragic to be the misunderstood one.
The narcissist has a unique self-image where he sees himself as a million times better than everyone else.
In his mind, he is good at everything. And he loves hearing it.
He loves when people point out how talented, intelligent, and capable he is.
But is he really all of that?
Or is it simply a role he plays in order to appear bigger and better than he truly is?
When you finally see through the narcissist — when you truly see him for who he is — life can suddenly become difficult.
Because the narcissist feels cornered and wants to escape.
He may avoid you for a long time, hoping you will forget what you saw and allow him to control you again.
Often you need to meet several narcissists before you fully understand what this really is.
But the more of them you encounter, the easier it becomes to recognize the signs.
Eventually you begin to notice the signs more and more. Once you have learned to see them, they are hard to miss.
There are so many people in the world who are genuine, honest, kind, empathetic and full of love.
But the narcissist is not one of them.
Signs of a narcissist
- They are never wrong
- Everything is always someone else’s fault
- They lack empathy for other people’s feelings
- They make you feel special in the beginning
- Slowly they begin to criticize and control you
- They manipulate situations to make themselves look better
- They enjoy power and control over others
- When confronted, they often play the victim
- They rarely take responsibility for their actions
- When you finally see through them, they may disappear or avoid you