No, I am not old. I am only 53, and barely halfway through life.
But last night I had a dream that made me reflect on this whole thing about age — and whether, at 53, I am perceived as old.
In my dream, I was traveling by train, sitting there lightly flirting with the handsome man seated diagonally in front of me. He was tan, young, handsome, and had a charming smile. He and his friends looked and sounded like they came from somewhere in Southern Europe. I didn’t understand what he — or they — were saying, but he looked at me and smiled, and I did the same. Looked at him and smiled. I liked what I saw. And I do enjoy those small, fleeting encounters with people I may never see again.
Nothing more happened than that. He looked at me, and I looked at him and smiled.
Suddenly, the woman sitting in front of me turned around and, completely out of the blue, said:
You do know he’s just making fun of you? You’re far too old for him to like you — or even bother flirting with you.
I was stunned. And then I woke up.
And I had to ask myself:
Am I old? Have I become old? When are you actually old?
The only time I remember feeling old was the year I turned 25. I probably dreaded my birthday for six months beforehand, thinking 25 was old. But once I actually turned 25, I never thought much about being — or becoming — old again.
Until today.
Because the dream last night made me reflect on age.
When are you old?
Am I old?
Do I look old?
Do I behave “old”?
At 53, I don’t feel old. I don’t behave “old,” and I don’t think I look old either. Of course, I have grown older. There are more gray hairs now. My skin is a little looser. My body a little softer. A few wrinkles. I gain weight more easily. There is menopause, and perhaps a few spider veins. But other than that, there isn’t that much to dwell on.
I color my hair. I keep my body active and strong with strength training, yoga, long walks, a bit of running — and soon cycling. I take good care of my skin with solid routines, a little filler, a little Botox. I nourish my body with clean, mostly anti-inflammatory foods, antioxidants, proteins, and all the good things. And even if it’s easier to gain weight now than before, it’s not a crisis.
The body changes.
I don’t want to be desperate in fighting aging. But maybe there will be a small facelift one day. Who knows? The most important thing is that I feel safe and at home in the body I have — and I do.
I don’t feel old. I don’t think about my age, and honestly, I don’t think that much about other people’s age either.
Do I look old? I suppose that depends on who is looking — and what they are looking for.
The woman on the train (in my dream) who said I was old may have thought I both was and looked old. And the handsome man may not have thought so. Who knows?
Do I behave old? And what does that even mean?
I believe we start behaving old the moment we begin thinking of ourselves as old. When we start limiting what we can and cannot do because of age. When we define ourselves by a number.
Because we are so much more than our age. Age is just a number — but the moment we say it out loud, we can also be judged by it. Too young. Too old.
I have always looked a bit younger than my age, and I’ve never really cared about being defined by it. I am, first and foremost, a human being. And that matters far more than the number attached to me.
How I feel. What I do. How engaged I am in life. My dreams. Those define me far more than age ever could. Because again — age is just a number.
To a 20-year-old, I may be old.
To a 70-year-old, I may be young.
I also don’t believe love, infatuation, and passion should be defined by age. I believe in trusting your intuition, your heart — and, of course, a little common sense — and living your life with the person who feels right for you. Regardless of age.
Some people have a young soul in an older body. Others have an old soul in a young body. Let your heart find what is a good match for you — and I will let mine find what is a good match for me.
I don’t judge you for who you love, flirt with, or choose to share your life with. And you don’t need to worry about who I love, flirt with, or perhaps one day marry.
Life is too short to feel old.
